Sometimes i feel like I'm looking through rose colored glasses

Feeling a little down very down actually, I want to sleep but I'm waiting for something to happen. NOTHING happens. This is it. So much is going through my head it hurts, I hurt. My eyes burn and tear up as I'm writing this, bc nothing seems real. Everything seems or feels like a lie. I feel like complete then something happens and I feel torn apart, ripped to shreds waiting to be complete again. Then I wake up I'm whole again. By the end of the night as I see and realize things it starts over. I just realize how I'm nothing not needed, how sometimes I feel as if anyone doesn't feel the need to talk to me, to be with me.I'm soo tired sleep right now seems like the sweetest thing.