Sometimes i feel like I'm looking through rose colored glasses

Feeling a little down very down actually, I want to sleep but I'm waiting for something to happen. NOTHING happens. This is it. So much is going through my head it hurts, I hurt. My eyes burn and tear up as I'm writing this, bc nothing seems real. Everything seems or feels like a lie. I feel like complete then something happens and I feel torn apart, ripped to shreds waiting to be complete again. Then I wake up I'm whole again. By the end of the night as I see and realize things it starts over. I just realize how I'm nothing not needed, how sometimes I feel as if anyone doesn't feel the need to talk to me, to be with me.I'm soo tired sleep right now seems like the sweetest thing.

its not dieting, its eating healthy

I have to think like that bc if I think dieting I am most likely to fail, and I'm tired of failing I have to do this for myself. I have to make myself happy, I have no energy, no life in me, I'm happiest when with him <3 but when he leaves. And I'm alone its like get up mona do something and I lay there or sit there and do nothing. So if I eat better energizing foods all will be well id have more energy and I kno I will just feel better. I need this! And I have to do this for me, change basically my whole lifestyle bc I'm a junkfood attic. I need to view this healthy food as my junkfood now bc if I'm an addict might as well change my addiction to healthy = junkfood lol. Plus I'm just tired of the way I look, tired of being envious of beautiful girls, secretly wishing I looked like that, I wana look like me but a healthy beautiful me ya kno? And I am I will I have to or else I will die miserable, and others in my state may not be that's fine but me myself and I aren't truly happy and we meaning me I am gonna try my hardest now before its too late....