swimming in a pool of confusion...

and it seems im beginning to drown. my paranoia always gets the best of me i think i see things and i dont kno if i dont or maybe i do. i dont even kno what im trying to say im just soo lost. i think im drowning going deeper and deeper the light is going away trying to swim up but i cant reach the surface. lately all i want to do is be with him, all i want is him, if hes not around i feel nothing, i kno what i have to do but im stuck. im drowning i think maybe im just idk i need a push and hes pushing believe me hes pushing but it doesnt seem to work its me its always me. when will i wake up? i need to quit being paranoid and thinking the worst but its soo hard when people put words and questions in my head i think and think then i begin to see things and think well maybe this that is true and i snap out of it that is when i kno i need to stop and do something else to get my mind off of things. but i find myself asking should i listen to me or to them? am i blinded by this love for him? so many questions and as always never any answers. for now i will continue to sink. i notice im talking about 2 different subjects i confuse myself sometimes.