Its been awhile

well we meet again my blog and i. some say i dont get enough sleep some say i get too much. hmmm if i get too much sleep then why am i tired all the time? i want to lay in bed and sleep all day then i wake up and im tired yet cant sleep so im just there laying there waiting for something waiting for something to hit me to say hey do something dont lay there be with me and then nothing.... im left laying there alone waiting for my love. someone told me i should try to be alone thats its unhealthy for me to be uncomfortable alone i told them well i hate it i dont like being alone it makes me think. i honestly dont like to think bc what starts off as positive thinking turns negative and i have to do something to stop. i hate being alone makes me sad too, well some say i dont get enough sleep that my sleep schedule is all messed up that i should sleep at 2  or 230 the latest so i could wake up early enough to do something umm that will improve my well being. i try i think to sleep early but sometimes it gets hard to sleep i just cant do it my mind isnt ready to sleep to shut down and take a break so im left up and doing things hmmm sucks too some say if i just lay there do nothing i will fall. i do but it never works maybe sometimes but usually not then again it may be my own fault. all i kno is i have to do something bc if not then im gonna become more self loathing and i need to love myself bc lately i hate me myself and i. someone also told me how could you love someone when you cant love yourself? now that i think about it is because maybe i could love him enough to love myself, like i love him soo much he loves me enough to where maybe i could begin to love myself. but then again i could be lying to myself as always trying to make things better being optimistic then ofc as of now i just turned it negative....when will it end?