So just when i thought things were getting better....

Well my supposed fallen angel blah blah bull because there is no such person he is nothing he is dirt under my fingernails now. I've moved on to what i hope is something better but there are things that make me question. The really bad thing is I have no one to talk to no one to tell how i am feeling to tell me well this is what you should do or maybe you shouldn't say this. I'm alone when it comes to things like this. I'm in love right now with who i am hoping is gonna be it like i don't have to wait as always because i just waited and waited and then he came and i liked him from the start sweet kind funny basically perfect. but in reality there is no perfect is there? I want to believe that maybe i found perfect i do i believe it but then there are things that make me think maybe its all a lie. I'm soo tired of being negative and being hopeless and lonely. Can't i be happy just this once and it be final, I have so much to do yet i don't do it bc why? Bc like the dirt under my fingernails i'm nothing, i try to be but in the end i am an empty shell. i just want to be happy and even after everything i am not and i hate myself for being miserable for something soo petty. My love the love i have now i want to kno he loves me he tells me he does but is it real? or are we living in a fantasy and he knows its all a dream and wakes up while i stay asleep? I have soo much to say and no one to ask, what to do? what to do?