A Precious illusion

so beautiful so cruel so very misguiding im so tired of constantly having him in my thoughts of wanting him of needing him loving him just the thought of me never being able to touch him hurts my heart i love him so yet the feelings arent mutual i dont even kno what im talking about i wish he would just i just dont kno leave me in peace and be removed from my mind from my heart my poor heart but i kinda dont want that i dont know what i want i kno what i want but i cant have him and im confusing myself yeah i need to stop.

And then there he was....

All beautiful and shirtless what is it about him that makes me fall. stupidity i suppose but i really dont care when it comes to him. i get angry sad helpless hopeless but i just cant do it i cant stop looking at him i cant stop wanting him. i cant stop seeing him i cant do it. seeing him smile seeing him just makes me so weak so vulnerable i ty not to show i care to show hatred but i fail miserably as always. i should sleep i kno but my eyes wont close must i force them? yes.

Resistance is definitely Futile

you would think after all this time hed miss me how i was wrong so very wrong im waiting and waiting and nothing, nothing at all. its gone gone gone. and here is me trying so hard to distract myself so im not to think of him but no distractions can only last so long. i miss him and i dont kno why. hes a real jerk and i suppose he hates me how depressing. where did i go wrong? i mean i pick the worst person in the world how bad is this pretty bad. what a waste. maybe when i start school it will all be over ill get over it get over him. im hoping its that easy nothings ever easy. ive met someone else but just a friend nothing more another distraction but a beautiful one. im done.