The wall

everyone hits the wall eventually.... i miss him im trying to move on but no one will ever make me feel like he makes me feel and i dont know why? hes cruel and secretly loathes me for i do not know why yet i cant stop thinking about him no one else matters no one could touch him his light its unbearable to go on as if i hate him i act as if im disgusted by his very prescence but its just the hate inside that i feel because he doesnt love me because he doesnt even try why cant he try? why am i the only one to feel this way? all im saying is ive hit the wall and i cant go past it  because its just so hard to let go. moving on... what do i stand for? who am i? sometimes i feel like a walking hypocrit i believe certain things to be a certain way thn i break the rules i break the rules in which i have made i dont understand? why must it be this way? no answers never any answers....then he does things that make me wonder make me question why why why?

fantasy, daydream, wild imagination, whatever the deal!

ok so i got this real good story i just thought about it well fantasized about had a daydream even though it is night time i think i will call it almost here it is " ive missed you" i say as hes caressing my cheek just the touch makes my heart flutter tears are developing as my breathing gets heavier i cant ignore my feelings no longer i go for his lips and i open my eyes... to realize its not real but the feelings are. i get alot of these its kinda funny i have a wild and vivid imagination as you can tell.

Get Over it!!

it seems that i cant move on i cant stop thinking about him dreaming nightmares am i really that hung up? im trying to get out there more so i dont focus on him so i dont need him but i feel so alone and what i dont understand is i was alone even when i was with him so why am i addicted? im scared of what ive become relying on that on him and falling everytime its been awhile since ive even talked to him he really hurt me this time hes done worse but i gotta snap out of this strange infatuation. im so glad i have friends because if i was completely alone i would just torture myself by needing to be in his prescence. moving on so abruptly today is my moms bday im gonna make her a cake or maybe buy it someone said making it is more special but i sure hope it doesnt burn! ooh noo today i was suppose to go to the college to get my schedule how could i forget something so important its too late now so i have to go tomorrow i must go!well thats all for today!

what to do...what to do.

well so far ive been avoiding my fallen angel because there is a reason why he fell hes a cruel unforgiving individual one that breaks my heart that everytime i look at him its only in disgust because he doesnt love me and i cant ask him to because you cant force what you cant have plus there has to be something more than him there has to be even if i dont see it now there just needs to be ive learned that if someone truly cares about you they wont tell you things to hurt you because when you love someone all you want to do is shield them from any sort of hurt he didnt he never did and look at me still in love with someone who doesnt even care about my heart about my feeling no no no i dont deserve this or maybe i do but i have the power to change it and i wont go back atleast for now. my drug its gonna be hell to get over but i must. well work is in like an hour and it takes me 2 hours to get ready soo gotta get a move on!

To Love and Loathe for Better or Worse?

what is it all for? i was home today cleaned a bit looked online for a bit i have no life i dont want to do anything i just want to be near him which is not worth it hes so ah evil sometimes i question him moving on what to do im here just here alone miserable inside i got almost everything i need good family good friends a good life so why am i still sad because i have no one to talk to no one to love me the way i want to be loved im lonely evenwhen im surrounded im alone right now actually maybe its making me this way i cant control how i feel but i feel this i have to get rid of it why why why? i loathe him he makes me miserable sad and lonely but i love him i cant name reasons his beauty i suppose its only getting worse for me not better what do i do? short for today sorry i dont feel like writing....