Wasting My Time

im getting so tired and sicken by him im realizing how much of an asshole he really is hes soo fuckin mean its not even funny i hate him sometimes i really dont know what the hell i see in him he looks like an average guy to most but i dont know what it is about him. hes the opposite of my perfect guy yet i cant get away he does little things to irritate ma and it gets frustrating he likes to do it he loves to hurt me treat me badly i dont understand pure bloody evil what a waste of time he is yet i stay and wait. i need to forget him cause he is a major asshole like the worst type of person and sadly he knows it, he knows hes evil so why wont he change? because he likes it he likes how he is its sad very very sad. i could never be like him and he thinks hes different cause the music he listens to or the things he knows. now i may not know alot but its because i could care less right now i just dont care about really anything i care about him but he despises me and as i grow more to hate him i cant understand why i cant get away. what is it that pulls me towards him? sure enough its not him he could be hot and cold its hard to tell how he feels. today i despise his very existence why did he have to exist and hurt me so? why couldnt he exist to care about me as much as i care for him? i need to move on but first i need to change my whole being because my self esteem is so low that i hate to look in the mirror and when i do i hate myself even more he makes me feel ugly and ive come to the conclusion that i am ugly no beauty in my being. ive got a lot to change about myself, i need to change.