idiot idiot idiot!!!!

do it once shame on you do it twice shame on me do it more more and more shame on both of us! you would think i would know better after all this time after all those times he doesnt even listen to me much less care and my idiotic mind cant face that reality im so tired i gotta do something about this about me i have to i need to i want to? now a days i dont know what i want maybe i never knew. what am i suppose to do wait? wait for what? for all of it to crash down and for there to be nothing left for me except solitude more then than now i suppose. how can someone pull away from someone so beautiful no one understands but me i suppose cause i know its wrong how i feel but hes so beautiful that i cant help myself i thrive off of him i feel like ive never felt before someone like him with his beauty would pay me mind i suppose i just dont see anyone more beautiful i cant see anyone all over hes that drug thats the worse to get over i could smoke, shoot him up everyday hes that alluring only to me i do have an addiction problem and like most drug users they die slowly everyday and still use. i really have no chance he was right about one thing hes gonna be the one to stop to let go not me im gonna go through withdrawals maybe possibly never let go. im so scared for that to happen i dont want it to but i know deep inside that it will all i have to do is enjoy it while i can, enjoy his presence his beauty. while slowly i die because the negativity he feels for me what a cruel fate for me what do you expect the outcome for a drug user. later that day... outcome is always the same im left standing in the rain im surprised i havent drowned yet i find myself thinking will i be happy years to come will i find another like him? i dont think so everyone i see doesnt measure up not even movie stars musicians they dont have anything on him. so what to do what to bloody do? i cant see straight i feel blinded by ecstasy blinded by the light at the end of the tunnel that i cant help but follow and they always say dont go to the light! change change change but none at all still the same havent changed at all what to do what to do what the hell to do!! blah blah blah blah that how i feel right now just blah blah blah blah!!!