today is a tiring day i feel drained for some reason i didnt even stay up late yesterday my head hurts though so maybe thats whats doing it.... now on to yesterday evening i went to work then i went to my "friend's" house where he was with my sister and they were watching a movie i was definitely not going to watch it not my kind of movie i guess so i chilled w/ his bro noah it was his bday after all, all we did was talk which is a good thing it feels good to talk to someone else that is also well not alone but secluded? no thats not the word who is also tired of being around the "couple" so i joined him in his reclusive state i felt like i kinda just interrupted his state of mind i guess you could say but i thought hey nobody wants to be alone so i didnt feel bad after all it was interesting as all things are sometimes... now onto this morning i went to the library yet again and talked to v sometimes i think he's sad about what i dont know but he just looks so lost or something i dont know how to explain it but i find myself talking to him more going to him in the mornings because i dont feel like being around alot of people i guess i am still in my non social mood so i go to him and just talk to him or if hes not there then i'm alone and thats good cause get to think more yay! well the bell is gonna ring so i will contiue this convo later...
To be Continued...
moving on to something off subject completely i am very irritated and slightly depressed mostly because i feel as if today isnt going to be a good day everything is just going wrong for me lately and i hate it all i just want it all to go away cause i am getting so tired of it all the hate all the pain all the things that make me insane here i go... how could someone hate someone for reasons that they cant fully explain i was explained a little bit but i still just dont get it why hate him i love him why him? its not his fault...am i mostly to blame for this rage? i just want to clone myself to make me and everyone happy cause lately i am becoming more miserable w/ myself i make everyone happy but i'm not happy in the process then i am happy and in that process i hurt someone else i just cant handle it anymore and thats where it comes to tough decisions that i have to make and i hate that i hate to make hard decisions but i must and i dont know what to do i just want to go home and think cause its kinda hard to think right now and i dont want to have a breakdown in class and the worse part is i dont know who to talk to about this about this situation because i dont want to hurt anyone but dammit i need some help cause what if i do the wrong thing make the wrong choice then its all my fault and as usual i'm always the one to blame how cruel life can be sometimes... i wanted to talk to my "friend" but he cant come in cause the class was being "bad" or w/e so yeah now all class period i'm going to be alone and miserable and do nothing nice right no wrong it sucks so yes i am in a terrible mood and i do not wish to write more so goodbye....
To be Continued...
moving on to something off subject completely i am very irritated and slightly depressed mostly because i feel as if today isnt going to be a good day everything is just going wrong for me lately and i hate it all i just want it all to go away cause i am getting so tired of it all the hate all the pain all the things that make me insane here i go... how could someone hate someone for reasons that they cant fully explain i was explained a little bit but i still just dont get it why hate him i love him why him? its not his fault...am i mostly to blame for this rage? i just want to clone myself to make me and everyone happy cause lately i am becoming more miserable w/ myself i make everyone happy but i'm not happy in the process then i am happy and in that process i hurt someone else i just cant handle it anymore and thats where it comes to tough decisions that i have to make and i hate that i hate to make hard decisions but i must and i dont know what to do i just want to go home and think cause its kinda hard to think right now and i dont want to have a breakdown in class and the worse part is i dont know who to talk to about this about this situation because i dont want to hurt anyone but dammit i need some help cause what if i do the wrong thing make the wrong choice then its all my fault and as usual i'm always the one to blame how cruel life can be sometimes... i wanted to talk to my "friend" but he cant come in cause the class was being "bad" or w/e so yeah now all class period i'm going to be alone and miserable and do nothing nice right no wrong it sucks so yes i am in a terrible mood and i do not wish to write more so goodbye....
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