Never Needed Anybody

i dont want to do it your way... from the strokes an awesome band if i say so myself when i first heard them i was like eh no but then i listened to the words and it was beautiful... Moving on to this morning i went to my usual place now the library but this time v wasnt there so i was just left alone awkward any? well like all things i must get used to it which is ok i guess... i am again thinking too much about things that hurt my heart i give up i always give up why try when in the end i'll only be hurting myself and ruining everything like i always do so i give up watch later on i'm going to be doing the thing that which i said i give up sometimes i just want it all to drown out i wish there was a lacuna inc. like in eternal sunshine of the spotless mind so i could erase my memories erase it all and be ok be happy or atleast be free i want to forget to start over to become more brave more confident more intelligent but how could i? i swear sometimes i can be a total hypocrit i cant believe i actually write in this thing there is so much more to be told but my trust isnt that easily given out it takes alot for me to fully explain things no one reads this anyway so basically i'm writing to myself like a diary for people to glance at if your like me you wont actually read this whole thing you'll skim through it and make your opinion about it and think pathetic and boring and thats ok cause you dont know the whole story these are just random thoughts that need to be let out... sometimes i just want to leave become a drifter just go away away from all this and find someone who loves me and only me i wont need anyone else i'll be happy till they get tired of me and throw me away how cruel life can be and how cruel humans are breaking hearts like nothing seeing tears come down cheeks and thinking weakness because they arent the ones heartbroken how i loathe them i despise that they dont care that they feel nothing it just breaks my heart thinking how selfish people are and knowing that i may be selfish but i would never do that just throw someone away forget it it wont make any sense to anyone but me....
To Be continued...
so i was in a loathing mood today which i am most of the time whats new nothing much just htinking of everything that doesnt matter but i love t make it matter stupid right? i dont really feel like writing this period so yeah i'm out.... well i lied i'm still in here i dont even know why i'm staying truth be told i am going to be in a bad mood today i already see it but why so? mostly because of thoughts i have been having i really need to wake up but man i am just so tired seriously i just want to go home i mean do you think if someone really cares they would try harder? or maybe its that they get tired of it and eventually they dont care which one could it be all these questions there really is no answer but i could try at least there can be numerous conclusions why they dont care they being him it could be that i mean nothing or is of atleast of no importance i could be viewed as everyone else just another person that will fade away from their memory and while they are thinking that i'm just left behind trying and always failing how pathetic why do i even waste my time is it because i care so much how can you show someone how much you care when they dont even really care i am suppose to be doing a project but i dont even know what to do right now i dont get it i just dont get it so whats the use its not like i am going to remember it in a year sometimes the things i need to remember i forget and the things i want to forget i remember how cruelly ironic but thats life i guess well i had to let those little things out they were buggin' me...
To Be Continued...
now i am in 5th in a slightly annoyed mood people can be so irritating but i am not in the mood to write right now so i will be back in a bit...