"Punch Drunk Love"

sometimes i see events in my life like this movie there are things i wish no one would know embarrassing things but i think sometimes i dig my own grave maybe i should become a liar even to those i do trust because i dont think they really understand what i mean when i say certain things but then when i say them they dont really come out the way i want them too it sounds confusing of course because i am a very confusing person.... Sometimes i wish i could change who i am and how i am because i am so weak to think on an online blog that shows to almost everyone i'm over here writing how i actually feel...how pathetic.... things i wish to say to the ones i care about the things that i probably in a confusing way already told them i just wish that i could find someone who gets me and doesnt think me crazy or pitiful sometimes i think the people who "care" have to they just feel sorry for me they dont care because they love me they care because they have to or maybe i'm worng like i am so often maybe i am just feeling sorry for myself as i do most of the time here i go again with the truth telling everyone my "inner thoughts" but whos gonna read if no one cares about just another blog of someone who wants attention i want attention but not from you only from those that i love that i want they know who they are but they'll never read this because maybe i'll never show them or maybe they know i have this but they'll never read it cause i am of no importance to them how ironic i guess i'm getting paid back for all my sins.... I never said i was a saint but even saints once in their life have to become a sinner only to repent and become true saints maybe if i repent enough i could become something better not a saint but close to it....

i am now in 2nd bells gonna ring i'm not even in this class yet not till 5th but w/e i'm just bored right now since my "friend" is busy or w/e i swear he can be such a hypocrit sometimes but whatever i dont care when i do i know i know i know i too am a hypocrit but arent we all but i'm not that bad where i dont admit so yeah i am now going to get off till 5th cause the bell just rung

my poor "friend" i always get mad at him and he always forgives me is it because he has too? or does he really care i think he does sometimes but then there are times when i just dont know but yes the above writing was written out of anger that i had little reason to be mad at him but only i could understand the true reason why i get mad at him sometimes....he will never read this so thats ok i just want to say to him i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm done i seriously dont like saying sorry that easily especially when spoken but for him i'll do it w/out hesitation how pathetic lol.... thats the end of that....